My High School-set Romantic Comedy Is Totally Unexpected
by TheHardBoiledEgg
Summary: An AU fic in which Hachiman was born ten years earlier.
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The breezy wind blew lightly against the trees of Sobu High. The trees, greener than it was on any other season, boasts a captivating sight-its leaves gracefully fluttered to the movement of the wind, and, because of this morning's rain, its wetness enabled them to reflect the sun shaft, producing sparkling little spots of light-that, for a lack of better words to describe-pretty much made the whole foliage looked like a spring-incarnation of a Christmas tree. The flowers below them, too, were beautiful. Sakuras, pink mosses, they were arranged in such pleasing harmony that it had me looking at it for god knows how long. Truly, the open vegetation area at the back of the school was one of the finest sights in this place-especially when if one would take the time to the roof and observes them from above. That was just like I was doing-with a Max Coffee in hand and a mouthful of rice and miso peanuts.

It was lunch break.

I was eating lunch at my usual designated spot—the rooftop on the special building. Located diagonally opposite to the building that contains regular classrooms and in front of the little gymnastics class, it was the spot from which I could see both the tennis courts and the large space at the centermost part of the school, the courtyard.

I ate my lunch in peace. I don't usually brought lunch, but today was an exception—since my little sister, Komachi, began staying at my place since yesterday—which made the entire cooking-related responsibilities fell to her. She eventually volunteered to make me these bento boxes every day, to which I accepted whole-heartedly. She's such a sweet little sister…

She moved into my apartment in Tendai, in a cozy little place just a few stations away from here. She insisted on staying with me because she thought that it'd be a lot cheaper if we stayed together, and not to mention that my place was very close to her college. She took a major in medicine—which is surprising, really—considering that her grades were not all that good back in high school. She almost never studied as much as I do, and if she did, she'd just only skim through the summary of her textbook (she's clearly not paying attention to the words) and answered a few questions, before she'd fit herself into the kotatsu, snuggling kamakura between her arms and got lost in the land of nod. To think that she'd made it into a quite good college and studied difficult subject like medicine was quite a remarkable feat.

As for me, I think I was quite smart in high school (although I was at the bottom for subjects related to the sciences…), especially when it comes to Japanese and humanities subjects. At this rate, I figured that I wouldn't have to kill myself studying to get myself into a decent college. And it proved to be true, just as I expected.

I studied literature, and I found it an engrossing subject. At this point though, I didn't know what I am going to do with my future—I had no plans or dreams to speak of. I had once considered being a full-time house-husband—seriously, I even wrote that down in a prospective career survey back in high school! But time passes, and I realized that the world is not kind enough to give me a hard-working woman to spend an entire lifetime with.

I was dead set on not wanting to go to grad school and devote my precious time to literature or anything. Because, though I greatly enjoyed my time there, I was hardly the academic type. But that didn't mean that I was about to go and find a job at a normal company—I'd rather not to waste my time competing with each other to reach the top in the slippery slopes of a capitalistic corporate ladder. And I definitely didn't want to become like that corporate slave of a dad.

So, by process of elimination, I ended up taking up the necessary programs to be a qualified teacher. And here I am, Hikigaya Hachiman, the hard-working (lol) modern-Japanese and homeroom teacher of the class 11-J.

Teaching wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Truly, I was expecting the worst on the first day I landed on the job—like, disrespectful pupils that'd annoy me to death, or someone like Red shirt or Clown to spark a conflict. None of that happened, and I got to teach a class of quiet, diligent students.

The only thing that was dispiriting is the fact that most of the students (of course, outside my class) here seemed to not know that their youth is not to be wasted on worthless things, like being lovey-dovey in public—seriously, you boys and girls in the courtyard-what's with you guys feeding each other? Are you guys mocking me?

It's a shame that kids these days were just doing the same things as the ones in my generation did; indulging in their petty desires, showcasing their distortion of commonly held beliefs and norms, and, the worst of them all—to classify their indiscretion as the spice of youth. For instance: that couples I mentioned a while ago—I bet they didn't feel anything for each other (or at least, the boy in the relationship)—they just wanted to get themselves a partner for the heck of it. Or, in the worst case, they just wanted to get into each other's pants!

True love in high school—honest-to-god, realistic true love scenario didn't exist in the first place. They're pretty much like the suspension bridge effect cliché—short lived and misunderstood. That's why, these kinds of things, like youthful love, or youth in itself—is a sham. It's full of secrets, lies and frauds that ought to be damned.

Calm yourself, Hachiman-enough with the whole hate speech.

I put down my half-empty Max Coffee can and looked into my wristwatch. There's about twelve minutes before the next period—that's plenty of time before I have to go back to my class room.

I continued my lunch in silence. As usual, Komachi's cooking was nothing short of brilliance.

I was shoving a pork cutlet into my mouth when I heard a footstep from the rooftop stairs. Out of instinct, I glanced back to where the voice comes from,

"Oi, Hikigaya. Eating lunch alone?"

The owner of the voice was from another Modern-Japanese teacher and the homeroom teacher of 11-F, and my senpai at work; Hiratsuka Shizuka sensei. Since my mouth was occupied, I could only nod as a response.

She walked into the spot beside me, and then relaxed her back against the metal railing. She reached into her breast-pocket, grabbing the Seven-star cigarettes pack and slipped one on her mouth. She offered me one, to which I declined—because I don't smoke. I drink Max Coffee.

"How did your class went? You're teaching those kids from 11-J, right?" She asked—seemingly concerned, although the look in her eyes told me otherwise.

"Good, I guess,"

"That's good to know."

We returned to our own businesses as she didn't show any signs of initiating a conversation. She was apparently waiting for me to finish my meal.

I threw a glance at her from time to time as I ate my lunch. As always, her figure was most impressive. She was a tall woman with slender built, strong-looking but still seem to evoke a girlish vibe. She has a long, black hair, and a smooth white skin. Her face was comparable to that of a goddess—beautifully deadly. Her breasts too, oh my Kami—was that Mount Fuji!?

"You've done eating?"

"…Yep."

"Good. Listen, Hikigaya—there's something I need to tell you,"

I nodded once again. "I'm listening."

She began to look serious. "You know, the reason me being out here to see you—"

Was to confess your love to me? What's with this sudden romantic comedy development—man, I wasn't even ready!

"…Was to ask you to join me on the board of educational counseling for students. Tsurumi sensei—you know her, right?"

 _Oh, that_. Don't get any big ideas, Hachiman. They're not gonna happen.

"Of course I know her. She's the head teacher of the Home Economics, if I remember correctly. What does this have to do with myself, anyway?"

She looked up to the faraway sky, exhaling a puff of smoke. She seemed like she was trying to look cool. She did, though. "You know, that Kumiko-sensei and Tooru sensei—the previous counselors- were relieved from their duty for personal matters, precisely at the end of the last term. Kumiko sensei was getting _married_ ," For some reason, I could saw her made a grimace when she mentioned the word 'married'.

"…And she decided to be a housewife for the rest of her life, while the latter was transferred into a high school at Narita. So Tsurumi sensei-the HE teacher—which is also the Counseling board advisor as well—"

"Asked you and me as their replacement?" I interjected.

She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, something like that."

"….Can I refuse?" I said, as if in autopilot.

She threw me a fierce-looking glare—and a very effective one at that. Coming from a tactless beauty like herself, the entirety of her stare was beyond overwhelming. To give you a better idea, her eyes were just like Kurogasa's-with its powers cranked up to the power of ten.

"…Hell no."

I knitted my brows. "You're not answering my question. Why did you have to ask for me?"

"…W-well—I don't know! Why should I know? It's Tsurumi sensei's and the headmaster's instruction after all—It's not that we could just refuse them!" She said, her cheeks somewhat reddened.

Her statement added more into my confusion.

"Tsurumi sensei and that principal instructed you and me specifically, to fill in that counselor position?" That sounded like something suspicious was going on. Were those guys a bunch of match-makers?

She only nodded, once again. At this point, she began to light up her second cigarette. I tried not to bother her with more questions.

"….Well, I'll try to consider it for a while." I answered, half-heartedly.

Her face lit up. "Great. See you at the staff room—later after the final homeroom session. Bye!"

She left the rooftop as soon as our little conversation ended.

The air was slightly chiller than before. Thankfully, it wasn't powerful enough for me to require a bulky sweater to resist the cold. I just needed to drink the rest of this warm Max Coffee in my hand.

Joining the counseling department, huh? Man, I couldn't help but feel that this'd cause me a lot of trouble.

I looked again at my wristwatch. There's exactly two minutes left before the start of the next period. Time to go to work again, I'm afraid. I was beginning to regret my decision to leave my dream of becoming a house-husband….

That's alright—I'll be work here non-stop until I find a hard-working wife to support me till I die. Just like Kumiko sensei did.

Speaking of which, isn't Tooru and Kumiko the names of the main characters in a certain book?

As these inconsequential thoughts took dominance over my head, the bell already rang. I ran hurriedly into my class.

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Hi! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Author's note:

1st. I wrote this thing on my phone, so I apologize for any errors.

All of the geographical information in this fic is entirely made up in my mind—because as far as I have read, the novels didn't specifically address the locations of both the school and 8man's house, so yeah.

things I've referenced in this fic it's quite easy, so I think that if I wrote it down here it'd be a waste of space.

and I apologize once more from the bottom of my heart-for the ugly writing and characterisation. Those two things are the things that I could call 'my ultimate skill'. Yeah, what a pathetic skill to have lol.

plus I'd appreciate it if someone will be kind enough to be my beta reader...

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the things i


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